We went to the hospital to visit my Mum at 1pm and this is the state I found my beautiful precious Mum in!

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My Mum may be old and frail but she hasn’t lost her mental faculties in the slightest, she is a beautiful, kind, caring and very intelligent old lady and I’m so upset on her 3rd day in hospital my daughter and I arrive on the ward to find her in this state. Black and blue!

I should mention that in in March 2013 she came home from this very hospital (which I will name) after a 3 month stay there. During that time she received a broken shoulder and a broken arm whilst in the care of Ysbyty Glan Clwyd, in Bodelwyddan in Denbighshire. Both these injuries were left untreated and it took a hell of a lot of effort on my behalf to get to the bottom of why my Mum was crying in pain and slowly losing mobility of her upper left hand side. Even after the discovery that since being in their care these injuries had happened they still did nothing.

During the same stay she survived double pneumonia twice, she survived a stroke and a host of other things that happened.

They neglected her personal care and in 3 months she only had three showers. All her personal care was left to me.

My Mum has a muscle wasting condition known as Charcot Marie Tooth and being 83 years old it is in the final stages so Mum can only walk a few steps with a walking frame and that is on a good day. She owns her own home and has private carers go in 3 times a day for personal care, to make her meals etc, she is registered blind although does have a bit of peripheral vision, but she is a proud lady and she cares about her appearance, she always has taken such lovely care of herself. She now relies on her carers to help her do this and she has a team of Angels look after her at home, they are the kindest people you could wish to meet.

I’m missing a lot out because I really need to get on and find out the name of the person who is in charge of the hospital tonight. I have now been waiting for some kind of explanation from either a nurse or a doctor for 7 hours. Mum said they put a drip in her which was a antibiotics but it didn’t go into her vein, it just went into her tissues or muscle. I have had this happen to me with intravenous steroids so I knew the symptoms she was describing. She said she could feel her forearm getting colder and bigger and her arm blew up like a balloon. She was pressing her help button and shouting for help but no one came. That is blood under her skin, it they dare tell me it’s bruising I will blow a gasket! It’s blood and she is on warfarin, she could of bled to death so if they think they can ignore me and hope I go away they are in for a huge shock. They are failing in their duty if care yet again. Her last hospital stay with Betsy Cadwalder Primary Healthcare trust ended in me catching two male nurses physically abusing her. Refusing her access to a wheelchair while she stood there crying, I saw all this with my own eyes, I discharged her and I phoned a private ambulance and I took her home and I stayed with her for a week until her team of Angels were in place. During those 3 months I had to do a 100 mile round trip daily from my home in the wilderness to the hospital and back and it absolutely floored me. I can’t do even a quarter of what I could do back then as further MS relapses have each taken their toll and left me a much weaker person physically. Having said that I would crawl on my hands and knees to get to my Mum if she needed me. In 50 years my Mum has never once let me down ever.

She loves The Lord and the Holy Spirit lives within her there is absolutely no doubt about that in my mind. Anyone that goes to her house says that there is the most beautiful calming feel about her home, it touches people and she quietly tells them that it is The Holy Spirit, some look at her like she’s bonkers but very few leave her home without making a comment about it. You would have to feel it yourself to understand. I grew up in this atmosphere, how truly blessed am I.

To the folk who prayed for strength for me today, I thank you so very much. I think The Lord filled me with turbo fuel.

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My lovely Mum when she was younger with my equally lovely Dad

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This is my Mum on the bridge in The Fairy Glen, our house backed onto this beautiful place, until we left when I was six and moved a mile away. I love this place. I know it’s a bit of a morbid thing to tell anyone although my family and best friend Roy know but I’ve already made my will and when I pass away there will be no public funeral at all. I just want my ashes quietly and without fuss sprinkled here in these woods and for a little oak tree to be planted. Simple and beautiful, at home with nature. Su x

What do you see, nurse, what do you see?
What are you thinking when you’re looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with far away eyes.

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice, “I do wish you’d try?”
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.

Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will.
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill,
Is that what you’re thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse, you’re not looking at me.

I’ll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
As I use at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of ten with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who love one another.

A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she’ll meet.
A bride soon at twenty, my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide, and a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.

At forty my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man’s beside me to see I don’t mourn.
At fifty once more babies play around my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I’ve known.

I’m now an old woman and nature is cruel,
‘Tis just to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I’m loving and living life over again.

I think of the years, all too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
Not a crabby old woman, look closer – see ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an old person. We will one day be there too! Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things.

Please understand I do think most nurses are angels in disguise, where would we be without them. I truly respect the job they do. So here is A Nurses Reply, an equally touching and poignant response. I’m writing this blog as much for them as for my Mum. Welcome to David Cameron’s NHS 2014 what’s left if it. Most folk aren’t aware our once great NHS has been privatised and sold off in chunks to the highest bidders.

What do we see, you ask, what do we see?
Yes, we are thinking when looking at thee
We may seem to be hard when we hurry and fuss
But there’s many of you and too few of us.

We would like far more time to sit by you and talk
To bath you and feed you and help you to walk
To hear of your lives and the things you have done
Your childhood, your husband, your daughter, your son.

But time is against us, there’s too much to do –
Patients too many and nurses too few
We grieve when we see you so sad and alone
With nobody near you, no friends of your own
We feel all your pain, and know of your fear
That nobody cares now your end is so near.

But nurses are people with feelings as well
And when we’re together you’ll often hear tell
Of the dearest old Gran in the very end bed
And the lovely old Dad and the things that he said
We speak with compassion and love, and feel sad
When we think of your lives and the joy that you’ve had.

When the time has arrived for you to depart
You leave us behind with an ache in our heart
When you sleep the long sleep, no more worry or care
There are other people, and we must be there
So please understand if we hurry and fuss
There are many of you and too few of us!!

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